You know when you’ve just witnessed something so bad, you don’t even know where to begin?
Let’s start with Adam Levine’s outfit. At first, the red striped windbreaker and silver Gina chain had me confused. He looked like he had just stepped off the F train in NYC, ready to get into a bar fight. But then, thinking it couldn’t get any worse … he unzipped it.
Some called it a chocolate bar, others compared it to their curtains from Home Sense. Whatever it was, it made a lot of people uncomfortable. The collage of dark and light brown squares that took over his tank top had my Instagram blowing up with memes.
Entertaining, yes, but also, very, very, confusing. Who was his stylist? Who designed that shirt? And why aren’t they both exiled from the fashion industry?
After refocusing my attention to the actual performance I was again left very, very, confused. It felt as though the band went, “No, we’re good for a choreographer, we’re just going to get up on stage and wing it.” The sound was a mess, his voice was off key, and it felt as if everyone was just running around the stage playing Rock Band.
And where the hell did the choir come from?
To be fair, once Travis Scott came on stage I thought the show was saved. …until he only played one song and then dipped. So I’m going to give my opinions on that appearance less attention in my article than it gave us.
He still should have proposed to Kylie though, at least that would have made the show more exciting.
When Big Boi came on and sang the infamous song “I like the way you move,” I was excited like I’m sure many other people were. It gave a sense of nostalgia… until pillow case wearing, Adam Levine joined in.
Giving me flashbacks to when Katy Perry performed with Migos on Saturday Night Live, I couldn’t help but shriek and hide my face in my hands.
And I’m sorry but has Big Boi been hiding under a rock? Wearing eight animals on your body hasn’t been cool since the 50s. No doubt, PETA will be all over that.
Nearing the end of the show — just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse — Levine does the unthinkable.
He rips his shirt off on national television. Exposing an interesting selection of tattoos like the “California” one placed across his stomach and a butterfly tramp stamp on his hip, my jaw dropped. And not in a good way.
I guess he couldn’t stand his shirt either.
I’m not going to get into a whole rant about this but I just think it’s funny how Adam Levine can rip his shirt off during his performance but Janet Jackson is still banned for barely exposing a boob. Besides the fact that Justin Timberlake was allowed to perform last year and he’s the one who exposed Jackson’s nipple yet she’s STILL banned, blows my mind.
Coming back to the fact that Adam Levine was running around a stage half naked with flames behind him as he sang “She Will Be Loved”, I couldn’t help but think… “Wow, he really thinks he’s throwing on a rock concert doesn’t he?” Sad.
By the end of it, I didn’t know if I should laugh that their performance made the 3-0 football game look more exciting, or if I should just feel really, really bad.
… It probably would have been better if Spongebob just did the whole show…
But hey, don’t worry boys, maybe if Nickleback performs next year, it will clear your record for worst Super Bowl performance of all time.
Feature Image by ABC7